Feel Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
Only those of you who are new to the school may not have heard what a fan I am of the concept of the growth mindset. So much so that I am sure that in years to come, Old Leysians of a certain vintage will probably smirk if anyone mentions the concept, and think back to their then Headmaster in their schooldays, and how he used to go on about it like a cracked record. Fine – I can live with that.
The fact is that I believe passionately that ability is growable, not fixed. Ability, in other words, is more like strength than height; there isn’t a lot one can do to increase one’s height, but there’s plenty you can do to increase your strength – and similarly, plenty you can do to grow your ability. I am convinced that you’re never going to grow your ability unless you are willing to leave your comfort zone. If you want to grow your ability in anything – academically, musically, artistically, in public speaking, debating, in sport or in any skill you are trying to develop, the key is, in a memorable phrase, “being comfortable feeling uncomfortable”.
Here are some tips on how to do this, courtesy of former US Green Beret turned business trainer, Jason van Camp. Firstly, start. The first step is always the most uncomfortable. The battle is half won if you just show up. If possible, make that decision to start for yourself, rather than have someone make that decision for you – then when things get difficult, you can remind yourself that you made a decision. That way, you are already committed and there is no going back. Secondly, don’t quit. You’ve decided to start, but results may be a little slower in materialising. That’s OK – just keep pushing forward. Don’t give yourself an out. Either you succeed or you fail, but don’t make excuses. At some point you are going to ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”. At that point, you had better have an answer (which is why it is important to have made that decision for yourself). And whatever your reason is, it had better be powerful. Thirdly, push yourself outside your comfort zone. At some point, you are going to say to yourself, “I’ve never done this before” or “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Just remember: we’ve all been there. Just pretend to be confident. Fake it till you make it. Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will. Fourthly, embrace the difficulty. By doing that, you build your mental and physical toughness – your resilience, to use a popular word. In any case, nothing worthwhile is likely to be easily won. Fifthly, be around like-minded people. This is why it is so important what I said at the start of the year about supporting those around you. Don’t be sceptical or snide about others’ attempts to reach their goals. And if you yourself have decided to go for something, try to create a support network around you. Talk about your experiences: the worse the experience is to you, the better the story it is to everyone else. Sixthly, recognize your improvements. Track your progress. Revel in it. You will know it because you will see it or feel it. Build your confidence by going back to what before was uncomfortable and go through the experience again. If it feels easier than it did, that is progress. And finally, repeat. There’s an old Russian saying, povtorenie mat ucheniya, which means “repetition is the mother of learning.”
Now, I can probably guess what you’re thinking. That’s all very easy for you to say. You’re old, you’re not going through what we’re going through, you don’t know what it’s like to be young these days. True enough, but I can assure you that age isn’t a barrier to feeling uncomfortable. For instance, when I first started as a Head almost two decades ago, I used to lie awake wondering what on earth I was going to find to say in assemblies. The thought made me deeply uncomfortable. Nowadays I enjoy the process – that’s what happens when you get comfortable feeling uncomfortable.
But just to prove it, to walk the walk rather than just talking the talk, I am going to do something uncomfortable today, here, with all of you as my witnesses. Most of you know how much my partner Carole and I love our dogs. We give them the very best dog food: I had better not mention the brand but I have a packet of it here. I know Olive, who is quite a fussy eater, absolutely loves it, and if it is good enough for Twiglet, it is good enough for me. In deciding whether I was going to do this, I had a look on their website, and whilst it doesn’t actually say explicitly that it is safe for humans to eat, I was encouraged by what I read. It says this: “our ranges are designed to provide your dog with everything it needs to stay happy and healthy. Each recipe is nutritionally balanced with 75% meat along with vegetables, vitamins, minerals, prebiotics & botanicals; ensuring optimum health for your pet at each stage of its life, from puppy through to senior years. It is grain free, designed for the most sensitive of tummies, using delicious, healthy vegetables like butternut squash and sweet potato in place of grains to make sure that your dog receives a balanced diet packed with essential proteins, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals. Choose from our five tasty recipes including lamb, duck or turkey. Tail waggingly tasty.”
Well, I couldn’t think of a better way of leading by example, so I am going to try some of this, “Chicken and Turkey”. I haven’t done this before, I assure you – there is a story that my grandfather once, during a blackout during the Second World War, ate dog food by accident, thinking it was his supper, but I’m not sure whether to believe it. Anyway, here goes: my grandfather survived, and as I said, if it is good enough for Olive, it is good enough for me, and after all, I want to lead by example in demonstrating how important it is to practise being comfortable feeling uncomfortable.
Well, that wasn’t too bad. It could do with a bit of seasoning, perhaps, but there you go – I did it.
So: those lessons again: Firstly, start. Secondly, don’t quit. Thirdly, push yourself outside your comfort zone. Fourthly, embrace the difficulty. Fifthly, be around like-minded people. Sixthly, recognize your progress. And finally, repeat.
Oh – one more thing: it is important to have goals in life, but not all goals are equally worth pursuing. I don’t want to have started an unwelcome craze here, so I had better admit that that wasn’t in fact dog food – I spent some of yesterday transferring some rhubarb compote into the packaging of Olive’s food, having opened it from the bottom, so it would look untampered with, and working out how to seal it up again. I do very much believe in the importance of feeling comfortable being uncomfortable, and parts of that assembly were uncomfortable even for me, but I am not a complete idiot.
Thank you for your attention.